camp piece number two! i can’t believe i’ve been here for almost a week. i’m already doing the mental math on how to loop a few more summers at wohelo into my five year plan. the campers aren’t here yet. we’ve been slowly and steadily sweeping cabins and raking leaves, sharing meals and laughing more often than not. i’m tired in the best way possible.
i’m sitting outside of the office, in which five or six of my gorgeous colleagues are sitting and working and chatting and taking inventory of the camp store. who chose lime scented deodorant? i like being able to listen while i write. one thing i’ve noticed since being here is this propensity to be around. i’ve not wanted or needed much alone time. it’s a game changer to have my own cabin, my own space. we’re calling it the truck stop.
two days ago, reed tapped me to give a short talk about self-care to the staff. i sat down to write about it and it poured out into my notes, the idea of putting on your own oxygen mask first, the importance of knowing your own limit and communicating that limit to your team. it was such a small audience but i still get nervous in any capacity of public speaking–i found myself taking my earrings out just before speaking, and putting them back in the minute i finished–and the talk was received really well. it felt very out-of-body to receive so much positive feedback and actually receive it, or believe it.
things are changing. my perpetual guilt is receding. i’m breathing deeper. i’m crying a lot. i’m working through a lot. i feel very safe. i’m learning that ‘adult’ is an age, not necessarily a way of being. i’m trying to practice independence. coming back to camp is a decision i made solely for myself, and it feels like one of the best decisions i’ve made in years.
it’s been chilly at night! i’m sleeping underneath two fleece blankets and a big quilt. even though i’m three thousand miles away from home, there’s dog hair all over my stuff–i miss sweet g so much. the first few nights i spent here, i had phantom dog-on-bed syndrome. i’d feel the weight of her on my feet until i would check to see nothing there, more so the weight of her absence.
i got to talk to my dad on the phone yesterday, which was so lovely–this summer will be the longest span of time apart since before covid. i’m missing beer fridays! i went out with sam and his parents for a father’s day lunch, too. they picked me up and we met sammy there, and after sam left we stuck around for a long while just chatting. it’s really nice to feel like i have family on this side of the country.
it is NOW 10:05p and i’m in reed’s house with georgia and brooke watching the second half of the c’s game and yappin’! i’m having such a good time that it’s tough to write cohesively; i’ve been on the same sentence for twenty minutes. i may come back tomorrow and write more because this piece isn’t very substantial and i had really high hopes! but it’s been a busy day and i’ve been in motion for much of it!
campers get here on thursday and i’m really excited for the summer to get underway. there are very few mirrors at camp and i feel more beautiful than i have in a calendar year or more.
ANYWAY now i retire this piece possibly until tomorrow! stay tuned for more on camp thank you for reading be kind to yourselves xxo r
loose change 
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