loose change

really waited until the very last moment to write this & i wish i hadn’t! too late now to do anything but jot some things down:

time seems to be moving increasingly quickly as we move toward summer. my Getting These Kids Through First Grade checklist is getting smaller by the day, which feels very surreal. i am beginning to feel an urgency to remain present. i’m finding it harder to do so when the weather is warm and sunny–the cloudy days move slowly enough to take more than enough account of every minute. the sun lately has felt good.

yesterday at my dad’s recommendation i ate bisquick pancakes with butter and raspberry preserves and was delighted at the result! sam has been here since friday and we have enjoyed another weekend of natural indulgence. today i’ve been sick, yesterday too, and so am not feeling as clear-minded as usual. i’m really fiending for some good sleep tonight. i’m hoping sam gives me a bite of his ice cream. ben and jerry’s has a new boston cream pie flavor.

we discovered this poem the other morning:

April Morning, Jonathan Wells

You are living the life

you wanted as if you’d known

what that was but of course

you didn’t so you’d groped

toward it feeling for what

you couldn’t imagine, what

your hands couldn’t tell you,

for what that shape could be.

This Sunday the rain turns cold

again and steady but the window

is slightly open and there is the vaguest

sense of bird song somewhere in the gaps

between the buildings because it’s spring

the calendar says and the room where

you are reading is empty yet full

of what loves you and this is the day

that you were born.

it is spring indeed and i am feeling very young and unlearned these days. i am wondering if i miss the sense of purpose academia instilled in me, the constant pursuit of knowledge, the endlessness of the path of learning. i am wondering if i can apply that mindset to my own life successfully.

maybe i’ll add more tomorrow but tonight i must turn in! not my best but better than nothing at all. thanks for tuning in

xxo r